Recently in my life, I have encountered many thoughts, events, and people that consume my mind. I thought if I were to start a blog, I could have a physical copy of these experiences and a chance for others to see what God is doing in my life. Mostly, I don't want to forget what is happening in my heart and life, so a blog seemed a great way for me to write out what I am going through.
Lunch Duty.
I have the wonderful opportunity to work in an elementary school as a freshman in college. Most elementary education degree-seeking students don't get into the schools until their last couple of years of college. So, I am blessed to be able to work in a school so early on, gaining experience and knowledge about teaching that already is making a huge impact on my life.
My job consists of mostly aiding students in their assignments or helping lead a small group for reading or math. However, I do get the lovely job of lunch duty. When I first recieved my work schedule, I told my mom (who is a teacher) that I had lunch duty every day and her response didn't mirror my excitement. She was aware of what lunch duty entails. I have had many moving, thrilling, mentally and emotionally exhausting experiences that have happened during my lunch duty alone. Here is one of those stories:
Today, I was with the third graders for lunch and recess. I am already an emotional person and I feel like my heart might explode multiple times each day. So today when my friend, one of my students I work, with sat down at the lunch table, pushed his food away, and laid his head down, I immediately went over to him.
I squated down so I was only heard by my friend. I asked him if everything was alright. He did not respond, so I stayed there for a few moments until I saw tear drops falling from his hidden face. My heart just sank. This student, my friend, is in a classroom I work in every week. He never talks and is very introverted. Last week, while I was grading tests in the back of the classroom, I had hands wrap around me and when I turned to see who it was, my friend was walking back to his seat.
He never talks to me, but I ask him questions and he will nod or shake his head. I got a smile out of him the other day, which was a joy to see. When I saw him so upset in the cafeteria, I thought of when he snuck up behind me and hugged me. How he struggles so much already in his academics. It was rather embarrassing, but I began to cry. I was trying so hard to fight the tears so the other students wouldn't see me.
I can't explain exactly what I was feeling, I just know my heart was hurting for my friend. I later found out some information about his home life which put some puzzle pieces together. It just amazes me how each person I encounter has a huge suitcase of issues they are dealing with. Stuff that no one can see from the outside. And they are pretty good at playing it off as if everything is fine. I am really good at that, actually. But every so often, they can't hold it in anymore. And for my friend, today in the lunch room was when his suitcase busted open.
I feel like I can never fully understand what my students are going through. Each day brings new challanges and experiences that move me and challange me to make life truly new each day. All I know is that God is good. And He has a purpose in everything He does. It is my hope that my time in my school will somehow give hope to those students whose lives are turned upside down. For my friend, that God's love and favor will be evident in his life, whether at school or home. I need to cling to the hope that comes in Jesus...to be surrounded by so many experiences that display the depth of brokenness in our world takes a toll on my heart. But, there is hope. And I desire to somehow display that hope to my students. To make lunch duty count for the students who are carrying too much that day.
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